Wendy Wartes has one goal for her adopted son — to keep him out of his home country Belarus.

Wendy Wartes and her husband, Jon, support their adopted son, Ruslan, by marching in a Gay Pride parade near their home in Seattle. Ruslan came out to thm almost 10 years ago while staying with them during a student exchange program.

Belarus’ population is 80 percent Eastern Orthodox and is not tolerant of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered community, Wartes says. Her son, Ruslan, came out to her while staying with her family during a student exchange program. “He held a pillow and said, ‘I’m homosexual, but I’m not gay, there’s nothing gay about it,’” Wartes remembers. “He knew that the word ‘gay’ meant happy — there’s a language barrier there.”

In Belarus, it is difficult to find people open to homosexuality, she says. The head of the Orthodox church in Belarus has openly announced support for execution of homosexuals. “He’d have to marry a woman, maybe a lesbian,” she says. “It’s not getting better there. The people have no free press and can’t talk about homosexuality.”

Wartes, a volunteer for the national organization Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), says she and her husband have tried to keep Ruslan in the United States since they found out in 1996 that he was gay. “In Belarus, when he turned 18 he’d have to do mandatory army service for two years, and I knew how brutal that could be for him,” says Wartes, who also has three biological children.

Wartes, who is a teacher, contacted her senator and Tina Podlodowski, former Seattle City Council member, to help her keep Ruslan in the country. She told them, “I just had a foreign exchange student come out to me.”

As Wartes sought help, help came to her. A woman from PFLAG called Wartes soon after and took her out to lunch.

“I sat there and cried,” she says. “It was the beginning of my awakening. A gay man also took out Ruslan to dinner. My husband and I never had had a chance to ask questions of someone who was gay for Ruslan’s sake, as well as our own.” Ruslan entered community college near Wartes, with a student visa, and because of his interest in music, joined a men’s choir. She says it was around that time they decided to adopt him.

His parents in Belarus were not ready to accept him when he tried to come out to them at 13.

“They wanted to put him into a mental hospital with shock therapy, so he tried to jump off a third floor balcony,” she says. “When he called to tell them why he was staying in America, his mother became hysterical and said, ‘You said you changed. You lied to us, you lied to us.’”

Opening up to his parents has helped improve their relationship, Wartes says.

“His mother and father are out to a couple of relatives, and have looked at homosexuality in a different light,” she says. “I think it’s because we love him and have kept him. His mother shared with his aunt, cousins and grandmother, who all live with them in one bedroom apartment.”

Allowing others to be included in Ruslan’s life encouraged Wartes to tell her own parents about his sexual preference. “I told my mother, who was 85 at the time. She said, ‘Well, if Ruslan is gay, then I have to rethink everything I thought about gay people,’” Wartes says. “The next day they brought a $10,000 check to help with his education.” vRuslan is currently waiting to see if he will get an asylum visa. He has already dealt with depression and trouble acquiring work visas. Late permits caused job termination for him on several occasions. Ruslan currently works part time at a library, while he waits for his hearing.

Ruslan’s case is based on his army status in Belarus, and when he turns 27, he’s not eligible for the army anymore and his case will have to be based on his fear of returning home.

“It’s really scary,” Wartes says. “He didn’t feel he’d live to 20. At least now I can say we gave him six extra years of life. He’d have to stay closeted at home in Belarus. But, he’s part of the family and I can’t imagine them taking away from us right now.”

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