It is illegal for any adoption service to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. But, this doesn’t mean the adoption process for LGBT couples is easy.

Patti Swartz is a Kent State English professor who previously worked for an adoption agency.

Michelle Wolcott, a social worker at the Northeast Ohio Adoption Services in Warren, says the agency abides by the law. Since the organization places “special needs” children, the detailed process focuses more on the strength of the family and its ability to deal with stress, not a couple’s sexual orientation.

“Not every couple that applies makes it through, but we have had LGBT couples who made it through—the same as traditional couples,” Wolcott says.

Sometimes an organization will not be this helpful, though, leaving LGBT couples to do a lot of the work on their own. The ease of the process depends on a social worker’s willingness to cooperate with the couple.

The following is a list of tips from individuals who have worked in the social service sector or who have gone through the adoption process.

1. Know what to ask the agency.

The agency will have many questions for the couple. According to Mary Brown, a social worker at the Children Services Board in Youngstown, an agency that hasn’t had any LGBT couples adopt, the initial inquiry form will ask a variety of questions before the couple can even move on to the home study. She adds that there is no way to hide sexual orientation since the agency will ask who is living in the home, or who an individual is involved with.

While many social workers are willing to help throughout the process, some may not be prepared to deal with LGBT couples.

“You have to realize that there is a difference between social work and sociology. Sociology looks at how individuals function in a society and how society works. Social work tries to fit individuals into a cultural norm,” says Patti Swartz, a Kent State English professor and former employee of an adoption agency.

“Many agencies have social workers that are ambivalent at best about gay and lesbian parenting,” she added. “There was built-in homophobia in the agency I worked for. Questions would come up like, ‘What if we had a gay couple trying to adopt? How would we handle the home study?’ Concerns would also come up with single parents who were applying. ‘If it was a woman, how would she provide an adequate male influence? If it was a male, how would he provide an adequate female influence?’” Swartz adds.

“If you want to call and find out if an agency is likely to be discriminatory, ask if they have any gay men or lesbians on staff. When they train foster parents, do they handle training for LGBT issues? Do they haveany foster homes that have placed queer kids? And ask what their statistics are for recruitment. Their placement office keeps stats of foster family profiles. They know the racial, ethnic, religious, sexual orientation and just about any other characteristic of their families, so that children can be profiled for placement in a home. You can always ask to interview someone from the placement office. Also ask what degree they hold and what degrees their supervisors and employees have. This will tell you a lot,” says Chris Adkins, who was an foster parent for three years with the Department of Kansas Social Services.

2. Be prepared for hard work.

Sometimes an agency will not be trained to deal with LGBT couples. Social workers can be hesitant to work with the couple, leaving them to work through the process virtually alone.

“It is so individual with the system,” Melanie says. “Sometimes you will get a social worker who is willing to advocate for you. Then you get someone who barely wants to work with you when they find out you are gay.”

“One thing I learned when I worked at an agency is it will tolerate what the community will allow,” Swartz says. “If a community is conservative, social workers are less comfortable in doing things that will outrage the community—often when the agency has to rely on the community for economic support.”

“I was on the phone every single day. The agency doesn’t call you,” Margaret says.

Margaret adds, that the agency is not supposed to discriminate, but Hamilton (an agency in Columbus) wouldn’t help the couple through the process. They didn’t answer their calls. The agency said a couple children were perfect for the couple, but when it came to the matching meeting, the agency would always say no.

Interested couples must prove to the agencies how badly they want to care for the children.

“We had pictures with the kids at our home during Christmas. We made a three to four page letter with the pictures. I hand-delivered these to various people in the agency,” Gary says, noting that this showed the agency they were capable of being loving, caring parents.

3. Understand that once you adopt the children, there is no turning back.

Often children with severe emotional and cognitive disabilities are placed in a couple’s home.

“There are conditions that aren’t written on their records,” Melanie says. “You don’t find out until they are in your home for a while. But it is much better than it used to be. In the 50’s there was no medical history.”

Gary says that the agency will only give you what you want to know.

“You have to go digging to find out how bad situations were,” Gary says. “When you find out something is wrong, you have to go to a doctor who has seen the child to figure things out.”

“Homophobic pressures have caused gay and lesbian adoptive applicants to be pushed in the direction of special needs children,” Swartz says. “There are already a lot of problems facing LGBT people. Many of these issues of disapproval put stress on the relationship as well. Put a child with problems on top of that, there is even more stress.”

“I quit working to be home with them for their special needs,” Margaret says. “I had a very good job, but it was our decision. I had to for their development.”

When Margaret and Melanie began talking about moving into a bigger house, it scared their children.

“Stability means a lot. Robert and Phillip were in 10 different foster homes. They still have fears. ‘We don’t need to move,’ they said. I had to explain that we would all move together to a bigger house. Eventually we dropped the issue. Something like that puts them off,” Melanie says.

“The worst thing that can happen to an adopted child is to turn them away,” Gary says. “I see it as a character flaw for those people who give up on their children.”

4. Advocate for your children.

Because some adopted children have cognitive and emotional problems, it is important to help them through the educational process.

“In some of the schools, you have to tell them it is their responsibility to teach them. We don’t walk in and say that they are perfect. It is the school’s responsibility to deal with that—to handle their behaviors and educate,” Patrick says.

Patrick says some of their teachers have made a phenomenal turnaround, but they are still committed to fighting for their children.

“We went in there with the Gary and Patrick approach,” Patrick says. “Sometimes the children say, ‘No, you don’t have to go into school.’ We let them know we will fight for them 100 percent.”

Home | About | Archive | Feedback | Subscribe | Kent State JMC

Fusion is produced by students at Kent State University twice per academic year. No part of Fusion may be reprinted without permission.