The agency told us the 2-year-old girl’s foster home was okay, Gary Alvero says, aside from using cheap diapers on her.

Gary and Patrick say they have learned how to make their family work. “You have to be willing, no matter what a child does, to say, ‘Despite all of that, we love you,’” Patrick says.

Gary had great expectations for their first day together. He wanted to put her in the stroller and take her to the mall.

“I never met a child who didn’t love me within the first half hour,” Gary says.

Within an hour, Gary called Patrick to tell him something was wrong. Their child was screaming at the top of her lungs.

Patrick Nicnilo explains that they have dogs at home and used baby gates to keep them away from her.

They later found out that the foster family celebrated a birthday without her, keeping her closed off in a room with a baby gate.

“It helps to know what the triggers are,” he adds.

Since their child was neglected, she had difficulty knowing that Christmas involved giving and receiving gifts.

The first Christmas the couple had together with their daughter, she sat in amazement, Patrick says.

“Granted it was a little overkill because the child had 20 packages to open,” he adds.

The couple waited until 11:30 a.m. for her to wake up and open her packages. But it would take over a week for her to play with her new toys. She didn’t know they belonged to her.

“Finally she learned that the world could be hers—and she has no problem asking for it,” Patrick says.

Gary and Patrick discuss plans to go to the park after church.

It has been four years since Gary and Patrick last adopted a child. They have adopted four children, three boys and one girl. They have seen delays in the process though. For example, once they claimed someone at the agency sabotaged their file. They have also dealt with social workers being uncomfortable with their sexuality.

“When they placed our daughter here there was a complete uproar in the agency,” Gary says.

“They didn’t like the fact that they were placing an African-American girl with two white boys, let alone two gay boys,” Patrick says.

“Basically they likened it to prostitution,” Gary says.

Despite the discrimination and stress of dealing with what the agency may have left out about their child’s history of abuse, Gary and Patrick have learned how to make their family work. The men thought that nothing could surprise them about raising a family.

“And we’ve been surprised,” Patrick says. “You have to be willing, no matter what a child does, to say, ‘Despite all of that, we love you.’”

“These children have been manipulated. They’ve been let down by foster parents and the system,” Gary says. “The whole approach is to do everything in your power to make sure they get everything they need.”

Continue: 1 | 2 | 3

Home | About | Archive | Feedback | Subscribe | Kent State JMC

Fusion is produced by students at Kent State University twice per academic year. No part of Fusion may be reprinted without permission.