Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, a national organization, has chapters in Cleveland and Akron. Jane Daroff organized PFLAG of Greater Cleveland, a volunteer, self-help organization, with Jes Sellers, after she attended a meeting in Akron with her son, who is gay. Both she and Sellers work for University Counseling Services at Case Western Reserve University.

Jane Daroff organized PFLAG of Greater Cleveland, a volunteer, self-help ogranization.

“My son said to me, ‘you need to start one in Cleveland,’” says Daroff, who was completing her master’s degree at the time. “That was about 1984. I finished my degree in May 1985, and found us a space to meet in.”

The group averages about 30 people per session. Daroff says she wondered at the beginning if it would work to have both children and parents in the same group.

“Generally, it’s other people’s parents and children,” she says. “It’s easier to ask someone else’s child something you’re too embarrassed to ask your own.”

Daroff’s 40-year-old son came out to her when he was 14. Her family lived in Florida and she says in the mid-‘70s, there was no one to talk to in the area.

“I really didn’t know what the heck he was talking about,” she recounts. “I cried a lot because I was uneducated about it. So, I did a lot of reading and actually sent him to a psychiatrist.”

The psychiatrist Daroff chose promised to make her son as mentally healthy as possible — without changing him. “He helped my son with whatever issues he was going through,” she says. “As tough as things seem now, they’re much better then they were then.”

“Once you get over the shock, and keep the lines of communication open with the child, it eventually gets better,” says Carole Popow, a resident of Cleveland whose son is gay and a member of PFLAG of Cleveland.

Popow says when her 36-year-old son came out to her it was more of an affirmation of truth than a feeling of deception. “I had suspected for a long time,” says Popow. “I voiced something to my husband, who didn’t want to listen.”

Her son Jeff Popow, a writer who works for Cornell University, broke the news on Christmas day a few years ago. Popow and her son were alone at the time.

“He said, ‘You know, mother, I’ve wanted to tell you that I’m gay,’” she remembers. “I said to him, I’m glad you finally told me. It must have been hard keeping it to yourself.”

Popow says while she is an advocate for gay rights, it was difficult coming to terms with it at first because of her religious beliefs.

“The conflict I have is that I’m Catholic, and the church is not very accepting of gays,” she says. “My conscience told me I was doing the right thing, but I still felt I was going against the teachings of the church. It doesn’t bother me anymore — I’ll get to heaven some way.”

(Photo by Molly Corfman) Members of the Akron chapter of Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays help each other cope with sexual minority issues. PFLAG, which was founded in 1981, is a non-profit organization that educates and offers support to those struggling with a friend or family member's sexual orientation.

Personal and parental expectations still keep Paula Tubalkain concerned about her daughter and where she will travel.

“There’s no contention about the sexual issue,” she says. “I just was thinking about it — how do you help direct your child?”

Tom Falcone says individuals who are coming out need to support their friends and family and help them to come to terms with it.

“You have to help people with the transition — be true to yourself, but keep love and compassion for them,” he says. “You have to be there for yourself and support them.”

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