It’s not just as simple as, “We’re here, we’re queer!”—to many, it’s the most difficult moment in their life.

Cassie Weisend (center) its wth her mother, Paula Tubalkain (right), and stepfather, Kent State alumna Tom Tubalkain (left0. Weisend came out to her mother during her freshman year at Ohio University.

Paula Tubalkain raised her daughter, Cassie Weisend, in an environment that challenged stereotypes.

In the first grade, Cassie’s guidance counselor told Paula that she played with too many boys and not enough girls. The counselor warned Paula that there might be repercussions if Cassie continued this behavior.

“My response was ‘Lookit, Cassie’s going to have to grow up and deal with things,’” Tubalkain says. “She’s going to have to learn how to fight and stand up for herself.”

Cassie’s social interactions didn’t bother Paula—she loved her daughter for who she was.

And when Cassie turned 19, she finally came out to her mother.

“It comes down to the fact that she’ll have enough issues because of her sexual preference,” says Paula of her acceptance of Cassie. “The person is not different. It’s the same individual that was the friend or family member you grew up with, and that hasn’t changed. You have to ask yourself why were you friends to begin with?”

Family and friends react differently when a loved one comes out. Some go through a grieving process before accepting, and some never get to the point of acceptance.

Tubalkain recalls the day she drove Cassie, who was a freshman at Ohio University, back to school. That was the day Cassie officially came out to her. Tubalkain says even though she loved and accepted her daughter, she had concerns, including how their family would be perceived by the outside world, whether she would have grandchildren, where Cassie would live to find acceptance, and if Cassie’s brother, Brian, should be told.

“It was two years before we talked openly about it in our family, because of my concern for Brian,” Tubalkain says. “I was afraid how it would affect their relationship. Then I found out he knew before I did.”

Cassie’s stepfather, Tom Tubalkain, a 1973 Kent State graduate, says he knew several people who came out to him through the years.

“I remember Cassie started to tell the rest of the family, and she was disappointed because most of her cousins already knew before she told them,” he says.

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